Goodbye Summer

Okay, well, school starts in about 8 hours, so I guess it’s time to say goodbye to summer days and happy laziness.

It’s too early. I don’t want to sleep. I can’t sleep. Even if it’s my 12th year of school (dudes, preschool and kindergarten count), I still feel the butterflies of a new year. Who’s changed? Who’s stayed the same? Who’s left/had a total makeover/hooked up/etc.? Am I going to be alone for the first time in seven years? What new challenges will I have to go through? Who’s going to end up on my black list?

Do I want to do this?

The answer has always been unerringly “yes”, but lately, I’ve been thinking about other paths. I don’t know what I’m going to do after high school. What am I going to do, who am I going to be? I have no idea.

Maybe I should accept defeat. Go to Brown, be a doctor. Do art on the side as a hobby. Be a good daughter, take care of my parents, be married by the time I’m thirty, producing children by the time I’m thirty-one. Become a housewife.

This makes me sad.

I believe it’s time to remove the fuzz folk indie rock from my most played and slip in the darker metal and alt rock that had been gathering dust in the back corners of my music files.

From The Decemberists to Muse. Of Monsters and Men to Radiohead.

I suppose I’ll go e-mail my counselor, who I still have mixed feelings about.

Thinking of: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy– “Goodbye, my almost lover/Goodbye, my hopeless dreams/I’m trying not to think about you/Can’t you just let me be?”; Hearts a Mess by Gotye– “Pick apart/The pieces of your heart/And let me peer inside”

Recommended listening: 愛言葉 by 少年T; Saturdays = Youth by M83; Video Games by Lana Del Rey; Never Gonna Give You Up by The Black Keys; Learnalilgivinanlovin by Gotye

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