Eff This Ish

It feels weird, the apathy.

I want to care. I really do. There’s an Interlake Confessions page, and it’s full of drama that’s personal and gory, sprinkled with just the right amount of humorous shame and anonymous compliments that make it interesting. It’s the culture of high school, right on a Facebook page. We’ve had class wars, classist wars, tolo drama, and, most recently, passionate discussion over rape culture.

No one seems to want to face the entire thing dead on. I don’t blame them. A lot of people don’t grasp the depth of the whole concept. A lot of people don’t feel comfortable dealing with the depth of the whole concept. A lot of people just don’t want to fucking deal with it.

But it has to be dealt with.

People need to talk about it. Get it out. Fix it.

(For the record, rape culture is incredibly pervasive in society. It robs both men and women of their autonomy through the unrealistic expectations that it poses on both genders: e.g. “slut-shaming”, “nice guy”, and the whole rape-apologist deal. Not to mention the casual rape jokes and the slang that is a part of the culture. Rape culture implies that men cannot control themselves and portrays sex as a punishment. It makes light of domestic and sexual violence against men and brushes off domestic and sexual violence against women as something to either be expected or deserved.)

But I can’t bring it up to care. Yeah, I correct people. But only because it bothers me that they’re not getting it right. But I do a half-assed job of it because the tiny comment box really fucking bugs me, and I might be creating more problems than fixing it. But whatever, you know? It like programming. Fix one bug and 14 more show up.

Leave your fucking G.R.A.P.E.S. at home. They’re the topics that we shouldn’t talk about in polite society: Guns, Religion, rAce, Politics, Economics, Sex. Well, the big ones at least.

And because we’re told to leave that kind of talk at home, we should definitely be bringing it out to air. Keeping high profile, controversial topics bottled up is stupid and ultimately counterproductive, as people just keep getting more and more riled up.

But who cares? I don’t.

I have missed pretty much every single deadline I had, and it’s an oddly empty exhilaration. Like, ooh, I’m such a bad-ass for being a dumb-ass.

And in a way, it is freeing. I’ve learned to care less about pretty much everything. It’s so depressing to think about the negativity in life. Sometimes, I feel disillusioned by all the doom. I just want to look at cute cat pictures and giggle about mostly harmless, definitely brain dead gossip.

I want to experiment with dangerous chemicals, eyeliner, and felt.

I’m just tired all the time, and I don’t really know what to do.


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