What I learned from taking AP Calc BC

that doesn’t include Calculus.

On Wednesday, I took the AP Calculus BC test from 8 o’clock in the morning to 12 o’clock in the afternoon. By the time we finished, everyone was too defeated to actually think about cheering for joy. It’s a very different atmosphere from the IB tests, where every finished test is a celebration. I guess in America, we only think about the next test as punishment.

(It is.)

But in the process of taking the test, I learned five new things, none of which were about related rates or Taylor series.

1) An extended essay is anything above 500 words. Clearly CollegeBoard thinks little of us if a simple paragraph is considered an essay. Or else we’ve just been trained to write massive paragraphs that span the length of two pages.

(I would rather believe the former. Shame on you, CollegeBoard.)

2) You cannot bring your own tissues. Apparently people like to cheat by using the inside of a half-empty tissue box to write equations on. I don’t know. That seems like far too much work for one tissue box.

3) Digital watches are also computers. I honestly don’t think that we’ve gotten to that level of technology. But it’s the beeping, then those people are simply assholes who need to never breed.

(I believe that the proctors now have several watches and at least one box of tissues that no one bothered to pick back up. I hope they enjoy them.)

4) Proctors are allowed to be hypocritical. Yesterday, a proctor’s watch went off in the middle of the test. And another’s phone rang. No one’s test was invalidated, but we made sure to give the classic stink eye for disturbing our test induced stupors.

(I hope they felt guilty.)

5) They will test you on everything you think you don’t need to know. Which means you need to study for every insignificant thing. Forget about sleeping, showering, eating–you need to know everything; make sure all your bases are covered. CollegeBoard is the scumbag teacher that makes backhanded tests.

As long as the curve remains low, I feel a little better about the state of my score and my future as a successful (?) doctor.

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