The Struggle Is Real: The Three Day Countdown to the Biggest Deadline So Far This Year

Because I can’t post these thoughts anywhere but here, this is a list of all the significant (albeit slightly self-deprecating) thoughts that passed through my brain that would probably get me shot for flaunting my position on the high school social hierarchy.

T-minus 3 days: TOK essay

  • Stays after school for Gov corrections for two weeks –> gets A in class + fails everything else
  • LOL except TOK and IB Music
  • Time to do the math to see how much damage I did because I royally fucked up my Calculus grade
  • Please, Milly, dear based Milly, have a curve that will make my grade be an A
  • Fuck the people who don’t like it when I talk about my grades. You’re just spreading your insecurities everywhere and making it so much more difficult for people to commiserate and be sympathetic towards each other. Saying that I can’t complain because there are people who have worse grades than me is like telling the homeless kid that he shouldn’t be complaining about his home life since there are millions of men, women, and children who live in worse conditions.
  • Oh my god I hate this TOK essay
  • PROCRASTINATION!!!
  • Chemistry?
  • Checking grades again
  • and again
  • How many Bs can I get in my entire high school career and still hope to get into Harvard?
  • I don’t even want to go to Harvard
  • Buzzfeed is magical
  • WTF ethics
  • Ooh time lapse drawings and Flula beatboxing in slow motion
  • When I go onto Interlake Confessions, I have a lot of things I would like to say, but I don’t say them because I’m afraid that people will judge me. Despite the mask that the internet gives, I’m still uncomfortable about opening up to people I know, since I have had the uncomfortable experience of having it follow me into real life.
  • These deep, philosophical musings come at the expense of procrastination. I don’t really want to talk about the difficulties of discarding knowledge in ethics, so I’m talking about my feelings and being open to strangers who probably just wanted to laugh and commiserate with me.
  • God bless the grading curve
  • I always end back up on Facebook. Always. There is no standard deviation here.
  • I just need to get this off my chest: it’s fairly clear that I hold myself to ridiculously high standards. Whether or not this is a by-product of my time in PRISM, I think is irrelevant. But I have to admit, when I relaxed about those standards, I became so much happier. Or at least, I thought I did. It turns out that it’s a much harder behavior to break, especially when there are parents who hound you constantly about straight As. So, yeah. I’m miserable. You might have a worse GPA than me, but I guarantee that you are happier. Maybe we have different priorities. I wish I had yours.
  • Everyday is a day for self reflection. Even when I’m writing an essay on the theory of knowledge.
  • I’m pathetic. I’m a pathetic human being.

T-minus 2 days: EE

  • When people feel guilty, they tend to lash out at others. I can’t blame them, though. It’s only natural that their first reaction to cold, harsh reality is denial.
  • I really like this playlist. St. Vincent is magical.
  • Fuck MLA. Fuck citations.

then i dropped off the face of earth.

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